Important missions and difficult challenges require people to come together, address their differences, and contribute time, effort, and resources to reach a goal. Trust is essential for individuals and groups to work together and achieve shared goals. When I can rely upon you and be confident that you will keep your promises and commitments, we can take the shortest, most direct route to the desired outcome. Trust enables productivity, efficiency, and creativity.

In an unabridged dictionary, the two most common words used to explain trust are the nouns ‘confidence’ and ‘reliance.’ However, the best way to understand trust is as an active principle, i.e. a verb. We know that trust takes time to build and is quickly destroyed. Therefore, the work to build collaboration requires ongoing attention to the three behavioral pillars of a durable trusting relationship:

• Honesty (truth-telling and integrity-in-action)
• Predictable, positive behavior (reliability, follow through)
• Respect (treatment with dignity, fairness)

It is important to continue to ‘deposit’ trust as a form of relationship currency in the bank. Then, you can draw on this credit when you want help, no-questions-asked. Someone will take a leap of faith with you on an idea or a risk that you need to take.

Trust enables the cornerstone practice of principled negotiation (see newsletter #2) in order to successfully manage differences. When differences present a barrier to effective collaboration, the path forward is a shift into a search for negotiated agreement. The framework of good-faith, principled negotiation, is a trust-building process.

You can become more fluent in the language of collaboration by ‘speaking’ the dialect of trust. First, think and speak about the existing trust level in any situation using this simple continuum.

• Deep Mistrust
• Lack of Trust
• Uncertain/Doubtful
• Working Level of Trust
• Full Trust

You can’t jump levels. Trust can only be built starting from where the relationship is now, one person at a time, one transaction at a time. If you have doubts about the potential for trust, consider clear examples of historic adversaries and enemies, who found ways to build some degree of trust, reach agreements, work together and, eventually make peace. It takes willingness, patience, and commitment.

Accept the current trust level and the limitations of the situation. Then, implement some combination of these behavioral strategies. They are the ‘verbs’ that express your sincere intention to others through your actions.

Promote Effective Communication  Increase the quantity and quality of interpersonal communication. Suspicion and fear thrive in the absence of multiple channels of communication. Take time to check out perceptions. Confirm that messages have been received and interpreted correctly. Create forums and opportunities for good, face-to-face communication. Use a facilitator or mediator when needed.

Be Honest  Even in the most cynical, ‘hard-nosed’ settings where mistrust is expected, veteran observers know that it is fundamental to preserve credibility by being honest and trustworthy.

Offer Unconditional, ‘No Frills’ Respect  Send a steady signal that EVERYONE has a human right to receive common courtesy and civility. This does not imply agreement or approval. It is not necessary to like or RESPECT someone to treat him this way.

Be Reliable and Predictable  1. Reliability = keeping your word/commitments. Follow through. When you say you will do something, make sure it happens. If you cannot, let her know at the earliest opportunity. 2. Predictability = NO SURPRISES! People usually dislike surprises more than bad news. If there is going to be a change, let him know in advance. 3. ACBD (Always Consult Before Deciding.)  Even when it is your decision, check with others to hear their input.

Admit Mistakes and Acknowledge Risks  ‘Fess up’ about omissions or things that should or could have been done better. Be candid about uncertainties or risks instead of overselling or pretending that the situation is without risk or doubt.

Acknowledge Emotional ‘Data’  A strong individual or group feeling in response to an action or event may be connected to their sense of identity in some way. To deny, criticize or ignore how people feel can be taken as a message of disrespect. When others communicate strong feelings, let them know that you have heard them and received their point of view. This is different than agreeing with them.

Try ‘Confidence-Building’ Measures  When there is little trust, don’t overload the situation by working toward agreements that require trust or risk-taking. Find ‘DOABLES’.. lower risk activities that allow people to experience each other while working together side-by-side. This can build confidence about the possibility of more ambitious agreements.

Take Symbolic Action  Consider ways to signal the other side that you are willing to act positively without preconditions or the assurance of anything in return, e.g. a modest unilateral concession; a conciliatory gesture, delegation of some authority, or a public apology.

Deal with Problematic Conduct  Treat difficult or bad behavior as a joint problem, not a crime. Separate the people from the problem by focusing on the behavior, not the person. Find a good time and place to discuss the behavior that does not cause the person to lose face or set up an automatic defensive reaction from him.

COLLABORATION IS A JOURNEY. ONWARD!

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Practice Tip #3

Trust Is the ‘Secret Sauce’

To produce a collaborative relationship that ‘tastes good,’ you need a strong helping of the secret sauce. Find the right time and place to talk candidly and positively about ways to strengthen the working relationship by addressing trust directly. Before you come to the conversation, review the nine universal strategies in the newsletter and pick three that you can sincerely use. Use mutual language that assumes responsibility and does not ‘point the finger.’ Start a dialogue with open-ended questions. For example,

• “I want our working relationship to grow in mutual benefit. How can we increase the trust level between us?”
• “What can I do to earn your trust?”
• “Are there aspects of our work, where we need more ability to be confident and rely on each other?”
• “Where in our current working relationship is the trust level high?… What has helped us build this trust?… Are there ways that we can extend this into other areas?”

Don’t take trust for granted. Even when things are going well, it is an excellent time to add a heaping tablespoon of the secret sauce.

 

Free Webinar Resources

The four cornerstone practices are presented and explained in my four-part webinar series sponsored by the Center for Nonprofit Excellence. Each segment is 45 minutes, posted on YouTube, and available here.

 

Words of wisdom

“Trust is the glue of life. It’s the most essential ingredient in effective communication. It’s the foundational principle that holds all relationships.”  Stephen R. Covey, Principle-Centered Leadership

“In a networked world, trust is the most important currency.”  Eric Schmidt, Former Chairman, Google