Resources
The clarity we need in challenging conflicts and difficult decisions requires knowledge. Here are proverbs and words that offer common sense wisdom, credible books that can deepen your understanding about skillful means, helpful internet resources, and poems for the heart and soul.
Good words….
"The occasion is piled high with difficulty and we must rise with the occasion. As our case is new, we must think anew and act anew."
Abraham Lincoln
"You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist."
Indira Gandhi
"A sword kills one, but a tongue kills thousands."
Finnish proverb
"There is no blade than can offer resistance to kindness."
Japanese proverb
"Querer es poder." (To want to is to be able to)
New Mexico proverb
"Who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear a word you are saying."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"It takes two to speak the truth–one to speak, and another to hear."
Henry David Thoreau
"We build the road and the road builds us."
Sri Lankan proverb
"Isolation is the worst possible counselor."
Miguel de Unamuno
"Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power. When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you."
Lao Tzu
"I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, and compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and in thoughts, you return to the source of being."
Lao Tzu
"Write the wrongs that are done to you in the sand, but write the good things that are done to you on a piece of marble. Let go of all emotions such as resentment and retaliation, which diminish you, and hold onto the emotions, such as gratitude and joy, which increase you."
Arabic proverb
"Cultivate the peace of mind which does not separate oneself from one’s surroundings.. When that is done successfully, then everything else follows naturally. Peace of mind produces right values, right values produce right thoughts. Right thoughts produce right actions, and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all."
Robert Pirsig
"Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world."
Joel Barker
"Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in."
Leonard Cohen
"The price of anything is the amount of life you pay for it."
Henry Thoreau
"The mind creates the abyss and the heart crosses it."
Sri Nisargadatta
"If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."
African Proverb
"The world is too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love."
William Sloane Coffin
"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."
Theodore Rubin
"Swallow the blood of wrath
And hold the breath of patience."
Hawaiian Proverb
"Although attempting to bring about world peace through the internal transformation of individuals is difficult, it is the only way."
HH the Dalai Lama
"The greatest distance in the world is the 14 inches from our mind to our hearts."
Agnes Baker Pilgrim
"Gratitude is the finest flower of Common Sense."
David Steindl-Rast
"Seeing is believing, but feeling is God’s own truth."
Irish saying
"Words are silver, silence is gold."
German proverb
"Water never loses its way."
Bantu proverb
"Frost destroys only the solitary blades of grass."
Chinese proverb
"Sticks in a bundle cannot be broken."
Bondei proverb
"A kind word warms for three winters."
Chinese proverb
"Some smart folks can’t tell a rotten rail without sitting on it."
African American
"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will get you everywhere."
Albert Einstein
"Everywhere I go I find a poet has been there before me."
Sigmund Freud
"I would not give a fig for the simplicity this side of complexity. But I would give my life for the simplicity on the other side of complexity."
Oliver Wendell Holmes
Abraham Lincoln
"You can’t shake hands with a clenched fist."
Indira Gandhi
"A sword kills one, but a tongue kills thousands."
Finnish proverb
"There is no blade than can offer resistance to kindness."
Japanese proverb
"Querer es poder." (To want to is to be able to)
New Mexico proverb
"Who you are speaks so loudly, I can’t hear a word you are saying."
Ralph Waldo Emerson
"And now here is my secret, a very simple secret; it is only with the heart that one can see rightly. What is essential is invisible to the eye."
Antoine de Saint-Exupery
"It takes two to speak the truth–one to speak, and another to hear."
Henry David Thoreau
"We build the road and the road builds us."
Sri Lankan proverb
"Isolation is the worst possible counselor."
Miguel de Unamuno
"Mastering others is strength. Mastering yourself is true power. When you are content to be simply yourself and don’t compare or compete, everyone will respect you."
Lao Tzu
"I have just three things to teach: simplicity, patience, and compassion. These three are your greatest treasures. Simple in actions and in thoughts, you return to the source of being."
Lao Tzu
"Write the wrongs that are done to you in the sand, but write the good things that are done to you on a piece of marble. Let go of all emotions such as resentment and retaliation, which diminish you, and hold onto the emotions, such as gratitude and joy, which increase you."
Arabic proverb
"Cultivate the peace of mind which does not separate oneself from one’s surroundings.. When that is done successfully, then everything else follows naturally. Peace of mind produces right values, right values produce right thoughts. Right thoughts produce right actions, and right actions produce work which will be a material reflection for others to see of the serenity at the center of it all."
Robert Pirsig
"Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world."
Joel Barker
"Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in."
Leonard Cohen
"The price of anything is the amount of life you pay for it."
Henry Thoreau
"The mind creates the abyss and the heart crosses it."
Sri Nisargadatta
"If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together."
African Proverb
"The world is too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love."
William Sloane Coffin
"The problem is not that there are problems. The problem is expecting otherwise and thinking that having problems is a problem."
Theodore Rubin
"Swallow the blood of wrath
And hold the breath of patience."
Hawaiian Proverb
"Although attempting to bring about world peace through the internal transformation of individuals is difficult, it is the only way."
HH the Dalai Lama
"The greatest distance in the world is the 14 inches from our mind to our hearts."
Agnes Baker Pilgrim
"Gratitude is the finest flower of Common Sense."
David Steindl-Rast
"Seeing is believing, but feeling is God’s own truth."
Irish saying
"Words are silver, silence is gold."
German proverb
"Water never loses its way."
Bantu proverb
"Frost destroys only the solitary blades of grass."
Chinese proverb
"Sticks in a bundle cannot be broken."
Bondei proverb
"A kind word warms for three winters."
Chinese proverb
"Some smart folks can’t tell a rotten rail without sitting on it."
African American
"Logic will get you from A to B. Imagination will get you everywhere."
Albert Einstein
"Everywhere I go I find a poet has been there before me."
Sigmund Freud
"I would not give a fig for the simplicity this side of complexity. But I would give my life for the simplicity on the other side of complexity."
Oliver Wendell Holmes
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Good reads….
“A Hidden Wholeness: The Journey Toward an Undivided Life” Parker Palmer, Jossey-Bass, 2004 The author is truly a ‘wise one’ and he weaves a soulful picture of the possibilities for community in a wounded world.
“The Power of Collective Wisdom and the trap of collective folly” Alan Briskin, Sheryl Erickson, John Ott, and Tom Callanan, Berrett-Koehler, 2009 A book full of experience-based principles and practices that tap into the extraordinary cocreative potential that exists whenever human beings gather together.
“Invictus: Nelson Mandela and the Game that made a Nation" John Carlin Penguin 2008 Inspiring account of what it takes to build bridges between enemies and overcome an entrenched history of hatred, fear, and cruelty. There are lessons here for all of us about the capacity of the human heart to overcome.
"The Crossroads of Conflict: A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resolution" Ken Cloke, Janis, 2006. A brilliant book that represents the leading edge of knowledge about the practice of conflict transformation by a veteran practitioner and teacher.
"People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts" Robert Bolton, Ph.D., Touchstone-Simon & Schuster, 1979. A good overview that combines communication and conflict resolution. The chapter on the emotional dynamics of conflict is very good.
"Negotiation: Strategies for Mutual Gain" Lavinia Hall, editor, Sage, 1993. From the basic seminar of the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School. Chapter 9, Conflict From a Psychological Perspective is an excellent overview of the dynamics of conflict forces with which mediators must work.
“Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations" William Ury, Bantam 1993 An excellent review of the important, practical principles for dealing with difficulty and working out agreements.
"The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace" Jack Kornfield, Bantam Books, 2002. Contains meditations, beautiful stories, and inspiring quotes about the deeper spiritual themes mentioned in the title.
"How to Make Meetings Work" Michael Doyle and David Straus, Jove, 1976. The "classic" work on facilitation. A "must-read" for anyone who facilitates meetings. Covers roles in meetings, dealing with problem participants, and suggests formats and tools to enhance meeting effectiveness.
"Facilitator’s Guide to Participatory Decision-Making" Sam Kaner, New Society Publishers, 1996. An excellent primer for working with groups. It covers conflict issues well and is filled with group techniques for decision-making.
“The Power of Collective Wisdom and the trap of collective folly” Alan Briskin, Sheryl Erickson, John Ott, and Tom Callanan, Berrett-Koehler, 2009 A book full of experience-based principles and practices that tap into the extraordinary cocreative potential that exists whenever human beings gather together.
“Invictus: Nelson Mandela and the Game that made a Nation" John Carlin Penguin 2008 Inspiring account of what it takes to build bridges between enemies and overcome an entrenched history of hatred, fear, and cruelty. There are lessons here for all of us about the capacity of the human heart to overcome.
"The Crossroads of Conflict: A Journey into the Heart of Dispute Resolution" Ken Cloke, Janis, 2006. A brilliant book that represents the leading edge of knowledge about the practice of conflict transformation by a veteran practitioner and teacher.
"People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts" Robert Bolton, Ph.D., Touchstone-Simon & Schuster, 1979. A good overview that combines communication and conflict resolution. The chapter on the emotional dynamics of conflict is very good.
"Negotiation: Strategies for Mutual Gain" Lavinia Hall, editor, Sage, 1993. From the basic seminar of the Program on Negotiation at Harvard Law School. Chapter 9, Conflict From a Psychological Perspective is an excellent overview of the dynamics of conflict forces with which mediators must work.
“Getting Past No: Negotiating in Difficult Situations" William Ury, Bantam 1993 An excellent review of the important, practical principles for dealing with difficulty and working out agreements.
"The Art of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace" Jack Kornfield, Bantam Books, 2002. Contains meditations, beautiful stories, and inspiring quotes about the deeper spiritual themes mentioned in the title.
"How to Make Meetings Work" Michael Doyle and David Straus, Jove, 1976. The "classic" work on facilitation. A "must-read" for anyone who facilitates meetings. Covers roles in meetings, dealing with problem participants, and suggests formats and tools to enhance meeting effectiveness.
"Facilitator’s Guide to Participatory Decision-Making" Sam Kaner, New Society Publishers, 1996. An excellent primer for working with groups. It covers conflict issues well and is filled with group techniques for decision-making.
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Good links...
www.gratefulness.org An inspiring site filled with opportunities to open your heart and live life more fully. Anyone facing a difficult decision or involved in a challenging conflict can gain strength and perspective by reflecting upon gratefulness.
www.ted.com Challenge your perspective with video talks by leading-edge thinkers and doers in technology, entertainment, and design. Start with a talk by Dr. Jill Boltye Taylor on our fundamental nature as humans.
www.thirdside.org William Ury wrote a book about conflict and its transformation called The Third Side. This site offers many resources to get you started if you’re stuck.
www.4gateways.com This is the coaching method I have been trained in by the creator, Dr.Tom Daly. It offers a detailed view of the 4 Gateways approach, beliefs underlying the model, and other resources.
www.ted.com Challenge your perspective with video talks by leading-edge thinkers and doers in technology, entertainment, and design. Start with a talk by Dr. Jill Boltye Taylor on our fundamental nature as humans.
www.thirdside.org William Ury wrote a book about conflict and its transformation called The Third Side. This site offers many resources to get you started if you’re stuck.
www.4gateways.com This is the coaching method I have been trained in by the creator, Dr.Tom Daly. It offers a detailed view of the 4 Gateways approach, beliefs underlying the model, and other resources.
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Good poems….
www.panhala.net Offers an eclectic mix of poems with spiritual themes. There are new postings every month.
www.poetseers.org Offers a very large indexed collection of 'spiritual and illumining poetry by poets from around the world'
www.gratefulness.org An inspiring site that includes a great selection of poems on the theme of being grateful. Anyone facing a difficult decision or involved in a challenging conflict can gain strength and perspective by reflecting upon gratefulness.
Risking Everything: 110 Poems of Love and Revelation This is a superb anthology with many short, clear, strong poems. Try starting with 'The Swan' by Rainer Maria Rilke on Page 114
www.poetseers.org Offers a very large indexed collection of 'spiritual and illumining poetry by poets from around the world'
www.gratefulness.org An inspiring site that includes a great selection of poems on the theme of being grateful. Anyone facing a difficult decision or involved in a challenging conflict can gain strength and perspective by reflecting upon gratefulness.
Risking Everything: 110 Poems of Love and Revelation This is a superb anthology with many short, clear, strong poems. Try starting with 'The Swan' by Rainer Maria Rilke on Page 114
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